Clearance Sale on Feeding Tubes, Conspiracy Theories, Student-Teacher Sex, oh...and Wisdom From the UN...

Let's see what's going on today......in my little ol' state of Rhode Island, there's some new developments in the case of Esteban Carpio, the young scamp accused of killing a Providence Police Detective. Seems Li'l Esteban hasn't eaten regularly in prison, so a judge gave prison officials permission to insert a feeding tube into him. And if that ain't bad enough, we tax payers get to foot the bill for the rest of his life...so hey, if he starts to be a burden on our day-to-day living, can we get a court order to remove it?

On to national news...oh goody! More stories about Karl Rove conspiracy theories. Could life possibly get any better than this!?@ I think the only thing I'm more sick of hearing than Lefty whining about Karl Rove is the drama in Aruba. OK, Jug is NOT a name people give to their children, first off. Secondly, a last name of "Twitty" leaves me wondering who's behind the wheel of that car, so to speak. I hope they solve this case with a quickness, just so Greta van What's-Her-Face won't get 90% of the ratings share.

Oh, and the hot teacher that had sex with her student is pleading guilty by reason of insanity. The quote her attorney dropped was priceless. "What teacher in their right mind would sleep with one of their students?" Good question, but here's a counter: "Where were these teachers when I was in school?!@?!" In any case, lesson learned, America. If you want to commit a crime and get away with it, make sure you do something so completely crazy while in the process of committing said crime that you too can pull off an insanity defense.

Hmmmm...Koffing Anus seems to have the whole Darfur situation figured out. “The decrease in attacks on civilians may also be a function of a reduced number of targets,” Wow...I mean...wow. Who'da thunk it that the attacks would decrease when there was nothing left to attack!?@?!@ See, all we had to do was wait it out...silly us.

Also in Africa, the BBC is reporting that we can't make the crisis in Africa go away by throwing money at it. What? You mean the poverty there was caused by a corrupt, inept government who have refused to distribute food aid? But… but… the celebrities told us that all we had to do was relieve African debt and the whole continent would turn into Disneyland, with marshmallow mountains and rivers of chocolate, and people would sing and dance and skip and run all day without a care in the world. How can it be? I mean, everyone knows that African famine and disease isn’t the fault of Africans, it’s the west’s responsibility!

Finally in sports, my Sox took the series from the Devil Rays, outting them 9-4. It's a sad state of affairs in Red Sox Nation when winning by 5 runs makes me think it was still a close game. And poor Kevin Youkilis...man, he's getting tossed back and forth between Boston and AAA Pawtucket like Lou Merloni was a few years back. In any case, at least I'll get to see him play tomorrow night.

Last, but certainly not least, Patriot's linebacker and legend Tedy Bruschi won't be playing this season. After suffering a mini-stroke after last year's Super Bowl win, it was questionable whether or not he'd ever play again. Apparently, he's been working out like a madman, but the bottom line is that mini-strokes don't go well with a daily regimen of ramming things with your head. I truly hope he recovers and is able to suit up for the following season. He was a great asset for the team, not just on the defensive line, but truly a great leader. Best wishes, Tedy!!